Today is day one of me starting the Book of Mormon. I have been a member my entire life, but to be honest, I 've never read the Book of Mormon for myself. I have long heard the stories from others about thier experiences while reading. Recieving answers to questions, helpping in getting through difficult situations (such as death & trails), recieving direction as it pretains to jobs, life, love, moral responsibiliy, and just every day questions. I know this is all somthing that would really benifit my life. I have been trying to decide on what I would like to do when I "grow up", and I feel like I kinda know what I'd like to do but I have no clue on how to get there. I know my father would say military, since its his personal belief that all jobs can be attained by entering the military. Maybe he is right.... I don't know yet. I 've always known for me, that attaining what I want that it wasn't going to be through grades (I am a B to a C student, yeah not great) but it would be through the job experiences that I have and the skills that I am able to attain, and the people that I will meet. Since anymore it's not what you know, it' who you know. I love people, and I want to work with them. I love traveling and learning more about different cultures. I love law. I love the criminal justice system. I love the idea of helpping people in prison and jail want something more for themselves. It is my personal opinion that very few people are actually the derranged mass murders who enjoy killing innocent people in the most cruel of ways. I believe that people put themselves in to bad situations, get stuck, then feel like they are captured in that type of behavior. I believe that everyone can change! We all sin because we want too. We need to change that want, to something better. I believe that I will be very successfull in everything that I do, because of the experiences that I have lived to experience, met the people I have met, and because of the people that I will meet. Nothing that anyone has EVER done will scare me. Because I probbably know someone with a simillar thing they are working through. I don't judge people for the things they have done or the things they haven't done. Of course there are those people whose crimes are socially and morally dispicable I know that if justice in this life isn't accomplished then in the next life it will. Heavenly Father is a pure judge, because he knows our desires and thoughts.
I know this is kind of strange to say but sometimes I feel like I can relate to Kathrine from "Taming of the Shrew", I feel like I need a Petruchio to calm me down, I feel in a sense I wild animal. I am 22 years old, I'm LDS, I go to BYUI and I have NO desire to get married at all. Yes, I know that I need marriage. But as I look around at the marriages around me. I get scared. There is so much divorce and pain. I am scared to get married. I am scared to settle down. If I had to choose between getting married and traveling. I would choose to travel. Maybe my opinion will change in a year or two, idk. Yet at the same time, I'm not one of those girls who hate the idea of love. I love, love. I want it for myself. I want to know that someone loves me so much, that they want to take care of me and loves me even though I have a mile long list of flaws. I want someone to love me even when I'm sick. I want someone that loves me but also helps me want to help myself change in to a better person. I thought I found love once, maybe even twice. But love is a two way street, and even as much as I loved them. They didn't love me back, as much as I loved them, and still do. The thing that I am learning as I go through this process of changing my life, I have learned that it is more important to change yourself for yourself than to ever change for someone else. I know, one day, I will fall in love and that man I strive every day to be the woman that he deserves. I'm really picky he should be too. I need to work on my relationships. The most important thing that I can work on is communicating effectivly with the people around me. I need to learn to express myself in a healthly way. I hope that as I am reading the Book of Mormon that my stony heart will be replaced with a heart of gold, something that I can be proud of. I hope that I can become the person that when people accociate themselves with me that they can see that I love the Lord and that I am honestly trying to change.
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