What are you grateful for?

So YAY I finally found my phone charger! YAY! Dumb thing!   It really made me really appreciate having a phone. You don’t realize how often you use it until you don’t have it anymore. YAY for Luna!

But on another note….. I have been thinking a lot about gratitude here lately.  At church we always have a lesson on being grateful for the things that you have.  And I guess when most people think of what they are grateful they think of Family, friends, freedom, and haha maybe even their phone.  We have SO much more than just the basics to be grateful for.  These are NOT in the order of gratefulness, but just in the order I thought  of them.

My am grateful for:

Family                                                                   Friends                                                                 Freedom

Agency                                                                 Jesus Christ’s Atonement                          Jesus Christs Life

The Divine Plan for life                                   Shelter                                                                 Warm water

Cold drinking water                                         Beds                                                                      Food

Pancakes                                                             Wind                                                                     Rain

Sun                                                                        Sunburns                                                             Makeup

Clean hair                                                            Clean clothes                                                     Hard work

New shoes                                                         Tooth paste                                                      Hydrogenperoxide

Freshly cut grass                                               Strawberries in the garden                          My hands

My heart                                                             My eyes                                                               Medication

Toilet paper                                                        Transportation                                                  Scriptures

Modern prophets                                            Computers                                                         The ability to sing

Being a friend                                                    Counseling                                                          nail clippers

personal growth                                               Trials                                                                      Pain/venerability

Basic needs being met                                   Harry potter                                                       Teachers

Church leaders                                                  Bishops                                                                                Community

Kevin Erikson-BFF                                            Hulu                                                                       Facebook

Pinetrist                                                               Having a job                                                       A paycheck

And much much more!

I challenge everyone to write down what your grateful for, we are so blessed. We are blessed that we live in a nation that we have the freedoms that we do. I'm grateful that I have my agency (the freedom to choose) is being able to decide for myself the choice that I am going to make. No matter the outcome, it was my choice.  I'm grateful that I have so may friends that really care about me, and want the best for me and want me to be happy. I am blessed every day by the friendships that I make. I am grateful that I get to vote for the next president of the United States of America. I'm glad that I can read and write.(spell.... maybe..... yeah)  I am thankful for Jimmy johns when I am hungry! lol.  I'm grateful that I have blog that I can write on.
oh and a sappy movie quote to end "But what I hope most of all is that you understand what I mean when I tell you that even though I do not know you, and even though I may not meet you, laugh with you, cry with you, or kiss you: I love you.
With all my heart.
I love you."

love!
ME

Personal brand of Heroin

Love.... What does love mean? I just got done watching the newest Castle. On the show, new evidence what brought forward in Beckett's mother's case which is also related to the people who shot her. Finally Caslte tells her the truth about the things that he knows, he knows that someone has evidence that keeps the people at bay from wanting to kill her. Beckett feels betrayed that Castle keeps if from her. And Finally Castle tells her that he loves her, he uses the words like frustrating, madening, and other words that in Fairly tale love would never be there. So love.... Love is frustrating. Love makes you feel depression. Love makes you cry. Love makes you want to punch a wall. But love is more than that. Love makes you believe you can fly. Love makes you believe that you have worth. Love makes you want to be a better person, no matter the cost.

I have only felt this kind of love in my life once. I feel so strongly that no matter what EVER happens I will always love him. He is the only person that I show real emotion when I  talk about him, heck i'm even crying now. This might sound really pathetic but anytime I hear somthing that touches me in any way I think of him. I love him. I would do ANYTHING for him. Just like in the Castle episode if I was hanging off the side of a building I would just think of him, even if I wasn't I always will. People can say what they want. But I know what I feel inside is real.

If He ends up reading this..... I love you! I always have, always willl, loved you then, love you still. <3

Back to the Future

I started a new semester at school and which is also the start of a new workout program. I have worked out a few times but to be honest, working out is really hard when you don't have a trainer or someone there telling you to keep going. I might get a personal trainer, at the school they are free.  I have also been looking up supplements that "might" help me with my weightloss. One thing I noticed a lot of them have caffine in them and they also have aloe vera in them. ...... so does that mean If I take aloe vera pills and drink a dew every day I'll lose weight? lol NO.  I found some aloe vera pills and I also found this aloe drink. Aloe Vera is a natural laxitave and since I have been taking it I have  seen much negative reactions from it. I have always wondered about aloe it seems to have so many different uses, its probablly the cure for cancer too. Aloe Vera cures everything from the common cold to cancer! lol. With the caffine thing..... yeah I think that is just for the lazy to tired to get off the couch and work out. Or just the "thrill" of having your heartbeat so fast you pass out! =D   But seriously, what I have learned about weightloss is that it's not just working out that causes you to lose weight. A huge part of weight loss is just changing the way that you eat; your portions, quantity, quality, and how often you eat. One thing that I have been doing is reducing the amount of red meat that I eat, as well as reducing the amount of Carbs. I love carbs! I love pizza I love hamburgers I love pancakes I love french toast!  But even more powerful I love the way that people act around me when I am healthy! I love seeing my pants get to big so I have  to tighten my pants; or the ability to take them off without unbuttoning them! But the biggest reward is knowing that I am becoming more healthy. Because I am taking charge of my weight my Insillin Resistance problems will greatly improve! There are so many things that I want to do with my life I don't want to waste my time and money worring about my health. I will be healthier.

So with all my weightloss, I decided that I needed to start figuring out my style in fashion. I have never giving it much thought I have always just put on whatever works many times this was cloths from the DI. I have the same shirt in 7 different colors. I have long thought about it and was like I have NO fashion sence!!! I have even conpemplated entering myself on TLC's What Not to Wear. So I started a new board on Pinterest. Go and check it out!

So as I am working on myself, I hope that my story will help others want to start their own change to become a better person and work toward that unselfish, professional, and self modivated you!

Love always,
Candy

I hope that I decide....

Today is day one of me starting the Book of Mormon. I have been a member my entire life, but to be honest,  I 've never read the Book of Mormon for myself. I have long heard the stories from others about thier experiences while reading. Recieving answers to questions, helpping in getting through difficult situations (such as death & trails), recieving direction as it pretains to jobs, life, love, moral responsibiliy, and just every day questions. I know this is all somthing that would really benifit my life. I have been trying to decide on what I would like to do when I "grow up", and I feel like I kinda know what I'd like to do but I have no clue on how to get there. I know my father would say military, since its his personal belief  that all jobs can be attained by entering the military. Maybe he is right.... I don't know yet. I 've always known for me, that attaining what I want that it wasn't going to be through grades (I am a B to a C student, yeah not great) but it would be through the job experiences that I have and the skills that I am able to attain, and the people that I will meet. Since anymore it's not what you know, it' who you know. I love people, and I want to work with them. I love traveling and learning more about different cultures. I love law. I love the criminal justice system. I love the idea of helpping people in prison and jail want something more for themselves. It is my personal opinion that very few people are actually the derranged mass murders who enjoy killing innocent people in the most cruel of ways.  I believe that people put themselves in to bad situations, get stuck, then feel like they are captured in that type of behavior. I believe that everyone can change! We all sin because we want too. We need to change that want, to something better. I believe that I will be very successfull in everything that I do, because of the experiences that I have lived to experience, met the people I have met, and because of the people that I will meet. Nothing that anyone has EVER done will scare me. Because I probbably know someone with a simillar thing they are working through. I don't judge people for the things they have done or the things they haven't done. Of course there are those people whose crimes are socially and morally dispicable I know that if justice in this life isn't accomplished then in the next life it will. Heavenly Father is a pure judge, because he knows our desires and  thoughts.

I know this is kind of strange to say but sometimes I feel like I can relate to Kathrine from "Taming of the Shrew", I feel like I need a Petruchio to calm me down, I feel in a sense I wild animal. I am 22 years old, I'm LDS, I go to BYUI and I have NO desire to get married at all. Yes, I know that I need marriage. But as I look around at the marriages around me. I get scared. There is so much divorce and pain. I am scared to get married. I am scared to settle down. If I had to choose between getting married and traveling. I would choose to  travel. Maybe my opinion will change in a year or two, idk. Yet at the same time, I'm not one of those girls who hate the idea of love. I love, love. I want it for myself. I want to know that someone loves me so much, that they want to take care of me and loves me even though I have a mile long list of flaws. I want someone to love me even when I'm sick. I want someone that loves me but also helps me want to help myself change in to a better person. I thought I found love once, maybe even twice. But love is a two way street, and even as much as I loved them. They didn't love me back, as much as I loved them, and still do. The thing that I am learning as I go through this process of changing my life, I have learned that  it is more important to change yourself for yourself than to ever change for someone else.  I know, one day, I will fall in love and that man I strive every day to be the woman that he deserves. I'm really picky he should be too. I need to work on my relationships. The most important thing that I can work on is communicating effectivly with the people around me. I need to learn to express myself in a healthly way. I hope that as I am reading the Book of Mormon that my stony heart will be replaced with a heart of gold, something that I can be proud of. I hope that I can become the person that when people accociate themselves with me that  they can see that I love the Lord and that  I am honestly trying to change.

poop

Sorry I just thought this was hilarious! I needed to share! lol

 

What Happens When I'm At WORK and I have to Poop?

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something a brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves, the WORK POOP is inevitable.
For those of you who hate pooping at work as much as I do, I give you the.........
Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work.
Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car & speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee): When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun's pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the shitter. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of a COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN): This is a group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR: A pooper who does not realize that you're in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact. TURD BURGLARS have been know to cause premature pinchage, which inevitably causes you to pinch one off in the middle.
CAMO-COUGH: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE: This is a subtle toe-tap that is used to alert all potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANA OMELET: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.
UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.
FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

DEFENTIONS OF Poop

GHOST Poop: The kind where you feel the Poop come out, but there is no Poop in the toilet.

CLEAN Poop: The kind where you Poop it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the paper.

WET Poop: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels un-wiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don't ruin them with a stain.

SECOND WAVE Poop: This happens when you're done Pooping and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to Poop some more.

POP-A-VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD-Poop: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG Poop: The kind of Poop that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSEY Poop: It's so noisy, everyone within earshot giggles.

DRINKER Poop: The kind of Poop you have the morning after a night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN Poop: (Self-explanatory)

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-Poop-Poop: The kind where you want to Poop, but all you do is set on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP Poop: This is when it hurts so badly coming out you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS Poop: (The Power Dump). The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

LIQUID Poop: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.

MEXICAN Poop:It smells so badly that your nose burns.

UPPER CLASS Poop: The kind of Poop that has no odor.

THE SURPRISE Poop: You are not at the toilet because you think you are about to fart but...oops...a

Poop!!! THE DANGLING Poop: This Poop refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Pooping it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

Work, Work, Work

So I am actually working a full time job for Vector Marketing I am in the office M-F from 9 am until 5pm each day. Its a really good job, I get the oppertunity to work with on of my good friends Forrest Haderlie and that is a lot of fun, his wife Kate also comes in to the office as well. They are both very sweet spirits that make me want to  be a better person. I also work at Valleywide Home & Ranch I am working in the c-store. I love working with people and helping them with checking out. I get to meet and form relationships with people that come in. Of course sometimes I get the old men that enjoy hitting on me. lol. which is really awkward when they are old enough to  be my grandpa! lol. ewww!  I also work out in Terreton cleaning Rockwells, I really enjoy it. In every   job that I do, I have a drive to make it mine, and make it my best work. Which is never a bad thing, I just have found that I sometimes I have problems with authority. I don't like to be told what to do or bossed around.

So I just make it mine, at least in my brain. lol. Like you know I am working on improving myself and trying to improve my relationships with the people around me. And so a big part of that is appoligzing to the people that I have hurt/harmed/offended/belittled/etc. This step has really caused me a lot of pondering, on how people preceive me. I want to be precieved as a really kind, sweet person who wants the best for everyone. And I know that is who I am on the inside. But I allow myself to get jelous/angry/entitled/and very pridefull. That is the part of me that I don't like, and  the part of me that I want to work on. This step in my self renewal is going to take a lot of work. Because I know that I have hurt people including some people that I really love. And the thought of hurting them makes me sick. So If I have ever hurt you, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you and hurt our relationship. I love you and I want to work on it. I promise that I am going to be honest with you, as you have been with me. If I ever do anything that bothers you please let me know. It was never my intent to hurt you.

Much to discuss!!

So yeah.... I know I'm not suppose to tell everyone..."sorry I haven't written in a while, so I am going to tell my self. Gosh Darn it candy!!! You need to remember your passwords to your different accounts!!" There you go I feel better now. haha
But really, over the course of the semester I have had my ups and my downs. I have dealt with stress and with temptations. Some of those stresses and Temptations I even gave in too (darn you chocolate cake!) but through it all I was able to lose 11.6 lbs. I feel loads better about myself and about how I look. Each week I met with my nutritionist, we decided that I needed to be on a diet of 1200 calories per day. This was really difficult because you had to count calories! I found some great foods! My favorite breakfast was these oatmeal packets that only have 100 calories in them! With this I would usually add a little milk less than and 1/8 of a cup. Then I would eat a banana as well. Great breakfast total calories around 150. For lunch or right before I work out I've learned that this is when you have a majority of your carbs! So I took some whole wheat spaghetti and cooked it then Id add some chopped broccoli some butter and some Italian seasoning. This meal is really tasty, Calories around 300. And for dinner I would eat a 4oz piece of chicken breast that has been cooked in balsamic vinegar and some couscous. Delicious! Total Calories around 400. I also drank around 10-15 glasses of water on average. How I got through is was sucking on Sugar free Jolly Ranchers or chewing sugar free gum this is a little trick my Trainer taught me! It really works it gives you a little sweetness to your mouth tricking your body in to thinking that its getting the same amount of sugar that it is used too.

I have also been going to counseling! I love it! It gives me a safe place for me to talk about things in my life that I need help with, especially just by helping me processes things more rationally rather than emotionally. I feel loads better already but i'm not done! I want to move my goals to focus on achieving something! Still trying to decide what.... Any ideas?